Posts tagged barstudy
Posts tagged barstudy
The bar is next week. I don’t have to take it. Because I motherfucking passed, bitches!
But this isn’t about me. Or the fact that I never ever ever have to take it ever again.
This is about you.
And you’ll be fine. You’ll go through your three days of hell (or two…screw you if it’s only two) and you’ll come out on the other side and it’ll all be over and you’ll be fine. Life will go on, it will all continue and you can enjoy the rest of your summer.
When you are taking the test go slow. Think thoroughly. An hour an essay is a long time. Be coherent. Take your time.
Look, it’s a giant mindfuck. We all know that. But don’t let it beat you. You beat it. Take it to the woodshed, show the stupid test who is in charge.
You know this. It’s in your brain. In the back of your brain you have all the information you could possibly need. It’s there already. And guess what? Even if you don’t: Make. It. Up. Seriously. Write something. That’s all they want. Write it convincingly and wow them with your logic.
If you start to get anxious or flustered or freaking out, take a deep breath and focus again. It’s a simple step but it’ll save your ass.
You got this. You so totally got this.
This is how I study and have always said, “I feel more connected when I write it out.” I didn’t know there was actual SCIENCE behind this. I even pondered writing out the bar exam but that just felt suicidal so, ya know, laptopping it like the rest of you.
Do not ask me what I want for dinner during bar study, mkay? You could put a pot of gruel (whatever that is) in front of me and I would immediately eat it. I just can’t muster the energy to care. Or to even come up with a cogent answer. What do I want? Ummmm. Fried strict scrutiny on a whole wheat quasi contract?
In fact, unless the question is, “Does that violate the rule against perpetuities?” “Has a duty been breached to act as a reasonable person should in that particular situation?” Or “Is there valid assent to the contract?” I got nothing for ya. Just, nothing. There is nothing in my brain not law related. It’s hard enough getting up and getting dressed each morning. I grab fistfuls of whatever cereal box I find first and when I have to decide for myself what to eat, I usually just stare blankly into the fridge before moseying back to my notebook. So don’t ask. Just do. Feed me, don’t feed me. I don’t care. Just DON’T ASK!
First, read the constitution. Go on. Do it. I’ll wait. It’s only 4400 words. That’s really not a lot. You know what you’ll be shocked by? What’s NOT in it. Which means that as soon as we get to constitutional analysis, the judges are just straight riffing. Like a Miles Davis concert. But a lot more esoteric. Actually probably about the same amount of esoteric. Yep. No lie. And I’m a liberal, FYI. I think activist judge is a good thing. ‘Til you got level of scrutiny and then I want to punch a baby. So, Con Law! Coming at ya!
Certain legal words you see over and over. They are unique in how frequently they appear and what they mean in terms of stupid ass bar study. They do not mean what you think they mean. Despite them having common ass meanings, they have entirely different legal meanings. Yeah. We pay a ton in tuition to be this annoying.
These are some of the words I’d be fine with never seeing again but know that I will:
Foreseeable: When is something NOT foreseeable? It’s like EVERYTHING is. You got in a car accident and your tire FLEW off and it hit a tree which made a snake fall and bite a toddler left alone in the grass by its obviously negligent parent?? FORESEEABLE! (I hate you, Mrs. Palsgraff. And you’re not much better Cordozo/Andrews.)
Reasonable: Goes along with foreseeable. What would a REASONABLE person do? You know what he wouldn’t do? Refer to himself as reasonable. That’s what.
May or Shall: Things you have to do and things you can do. Which one is which?! But they couldn’t be bothered to just SAY “Must” and “can”, could they? Assholes.
AND: And. It’s a lovely little conjunction, isn’t it? Until you’re studying for the bar and you have a list of ten things that have to happen. OR do they? I find myself going, “Okay, do I have to memorize all ten of these things OR do I just get to memorize like five of them and hope one of them sticks?” “And” and/or “Or”, a special kind of bar hell.
What are your most hated, oft repeated legal words? Or even concepts? Because lemme tell ya, constitutional levels of scrutiny make me want to be a Scalia originalist and not EVER have apply that crap. “Well, if the founding fathers didn’t include it, they didn’t want it and it NEVER happened!” Yep. You go ahead and argue comma placement. I’ll be in the corner in the fetal position.
And after three weeks (!!) of doing the bare minimum, or even less than that, full on panic is about to set it. We’ll be ramping it up these next few weeks which means more crazy posts about more crazy and defeatist feelings.
I can’t help but feel like I am doing this all wrong and need to be doing way more.
For tonight though I’m gonna curl up in the fetal position and try and forget about it all.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…
So. Ya know. Par for the bar study course.
Today is the day I likely lose my shit. I already ended up crying while watching clips of West Wing on youtube. “That’s what law is supposed to be and it’s nottttttt. Waaahhhh!!!”
So when my father, who I usually love and adore, posted the link to that NYTs article (see previous post), which has been making the facebook rounds anyway, I sorta lost my shit on him and responded thusly:
Thanks. No. Seriously. Thanks. Because the crushing fear of debt wasn’t already getting to me and I wasn’t avoiding reading this as every law student had posted it and thinking “Wow, maybe mom was right and I shoulda just BEEN A COP LIKE EVERYONE ELSE because this is a stupid waste of money!” I do not find your sense of humor amusing today. Or for like the next six weeks, just FYI. :-P
No, seriously what possessed him to think it was HIGH COMEDY to post that on my facebook wall? Like I don’t know my job prospects are bleak and I owe $150k to a bunch of agencies with no way of paying it back. I WAS TOTES UNAWARE OF ALL THAT! TOTES!
Then my mom asked me to make her lunch. Which is fine, kinda, I need to eat too, but the fucking expectation that I would just do this. I HAVE TWO ESSAYS TO WRITE! LEAVE ME ALONE! I am going to lock myself in my room and ignore the universe for the rest of the day. If you knock on the door, it is decidedly at your own risk.